Neo Liberalism: Your Doctor Was Trained In An Audi Approved Hospital, Your Children Attend Ronald McDonald High, The Police Station Doubles-Up As A Tesco’s. Micky Mouse Is Beelzebub. Welcome to McHell.

Neo-Liberalism. This is a philosophy. It is used to help governments come to decision about how to rule over their nation. Neo-Liberalism is used to come to a decision on tough issues such as how to manage the NHS, how justice should be delivered, and how much your job should pay you. The Neo-Liberal philosophy currently dominates the USA, the UK and other ‘developed’ countries. Neo-liberalism is growing. Indeed, its agenda is to take over the world! – much like Brain from the beloved cartoon, ‘Pinky & The Brain’.

Just like the cartoon, Neo-Liberalism’s plans are consistently foiled and yet, the philosophy prevails to try again another day. This scenario would ordinarily be fine. In fact, I quite like it. I find it endearing. I want to root for the evil, blundering mastermind. However, Neo-Liberalism isn’t a cartoon. It’s real. And it’s killing people.

pinky and cameron


What Is Neo-Liberalism?

Neo-Liberalism promotes the selling of publicly owned property. What this means is that Neo-Liberal governments promote the selling of things such as parks, hospitals and schools to corporations. Neo-Liberal governments do this because they believe that corporations are able to better manager these things. Neo-Liberal governments believe that corporate competition results in superior service. That is it. That is what Neo-liberalism is. Neo-liberalism wants corporations to do everything – provide health care, housing, education, you name it Neo Liberalism wants a corporation to do it.

So for example, Neo-Liberal governments believe that medical companies such as Bupa, provide a superior service than that of say the UK’s NHS. They also believe that companies such as G4S and bailiff companies (such as Equita) provide a better service than that provided by the Ministry of Justice. They believe that private security firms such as Blackwater Mercenaries provide a better service than that of state trained soldiers. As a result, Neo-Liberal governments sell off these publicly owned things and let corporations take over. Not just that, any company can take over anything! No really, any company can take over any enterprise. McDonald’s, that company that is famous for making american kids fat, wants to break into the highly profitably education sector. Yep, that’s right, McDonald’s want to teach your kids how to do maths.



-What’s £1 minus academic integrity? Let’s Check The Pound Saver Menu!-

(This is where the name comes from. The government wishes to give more liberty to corporations. The ‘neo’ bit signifies that it is a break-away from traditional ideas surrounding liberty. You know, liberty used to be based around people.. not McDonald’s)


So, What’s The Problem With Neo-Liberalism?

You own the NHS. Your grandparents, parents, and you pay tax to get that. In fact, every citizen in the UK (who has paid tax) has paid for the NHS. It is your communal property. The problem is, the government intends to sell it. “They can’t bloody well do that!” I hear you cry. Not only that, but the UK government intends to sell off other services including the Ministry of Justice and Police. Now ask yourself, do you really think the government will give you a slice of the cake when they sell off these massive institutions? No of course not, Cameron will probably buy another yacht, fill it with premium champagne and snort top-dollar crack off a luxury prostitutes tit. Oh sorry, he’s ‘conservative’ isn’t he? He’ll probably invest the money in some boring stock thingy. Nerd.



The other issue is that when these things are sold to corporations, they are often sold at a fraction of the cost that the tax payer has paid for them (see Royal Mail – we got ripped off when the government sold that). Additionally, it should also be recognised that these publicly owned bodies already perform well. In fact, it is often the case that these public institutions are regarded as the best in the world. An example of this can be found with the NHS. In a recent survey conducted by a European body, the NHS was praised as being the most economically efficient service provider in Europe and possibly the world. Regardless, the UK’s current Neo-Liberal government claim’s that the NHS is a failing institution whose nurses are often criminally negligent. It simply is not fair. You are bloody well right to be mad at these selfish bastards! They’re stealing your stuff and pawning it off at the local cash converters! Not only that, they blame the poor sods who have to worker longer hours for increasingly less pay.

If you’re thinking that this Neo-Liberalism thing is a bit evil and probably shouldn’t exist, you’re right. Sometimes, Neo-Liberal defendants accidentally blurt out something so unmistakably evil, you can’t help but conclude that they are the inglorious offspring of Lord Saruman and Minnie Mouse. For example, see how David Cameron wants to cut cancer treatments in order to save money. Cameron plays a better Scrooge than Scrooge McDuck and Ebenezer Scrooge combined.

Still, don’t take my word for it. Let’s have a look at Thatcher., now there’s a Neo-Liberal pioneer who knows how to sell off publicly owned goods. Hmmm, I forget, how did people react when she died again?…


-I said ‘people’, politicians don’t count.-

Yep. People literally don’t recognise Thatcher as a woman, they just call her ‘evil’ – as an entity in itself. Like gravity and electro-magnetism, Thatcher is a force in-and-of-itself, ‘evil’. Otherwise known as Neo-Liberalism.



In the next issue…

In the next issue, I explain the themes of Neo-Liberalism and how it has stayed in power for all these year. What are the tactics of Neo-Liberalism? When does it strike? And more importantly, what is its kryptonite?!

2 responses to “Neo Liberalism: Your Doctor Was Trained In An Audi Approved Hospital, Your Children Attend Ronald McDonald High, The Police Station Doubles-Up As A Tesco’s. Micky Mouse Is Beelzebub. Welcome to McHell.”

  1. Minnie says:

    after twenty years of browsing the internet, thank you for finally providing the worst article I’ve ever read

    • Shaun Yates says:

      Minnie?! I’m honoured. Apologies. In retrospect, I knew I shouldn’t have tread on your sex life like that.