Gideon, Briton of the Year?

Last week, the Times has named George Osborne their ‘Briton of the Year’ for “setting the terms of political debate” with his relentless promotion of austerity which has been “partially vindicated” by the moderate economic growth experienced by the UK this year. Of course, the Times naming Osborne as it’s Briton of the Year is akin to Mr Smith naming Mr Wesson his firearms manufacturer of the year, so tied together are the Times hierarchy and Mr Osborne.

It just so happens that the current Executive Editor, Chief Leader Writer and weekly political columnist for the Times, Lord Finkelstein is a close personal friend and adviser to the Chancellor. His Lordship was only recently elevated to the Lords, just last September in fact, as a Tory peer. How curious that a close personal friend of Osborne, who recently benefited from a de facto prerogative power of the Tory leadership, should be at the top the hierarchy of an influential newspaper, which just so happened to choose the Chancellor as its ‘Briton of the Year’. Of course, after the Leveson Report, we know that the press and politicians maintain relationships that are both transparent and honest, so one would not want to insinuate any kind of improper awarding of peerages in return for good press. We all know our political class are better than that kind of moral bankruptcy, don’t we?

Now the personal relationship between bosses at the Times and Osborne have been examined and shown to be all above board, let’s turn to why George really is our ‘Briton of the Year.’ Our esteemed Chancellor has presided over some of the fastest economic growth in the Western world, which is really a good achievement for the government, as their excellent ideas have lead Britain down the worst path to recovery from a recession since the turn of the 20th Century. Yet, it is not his growth that Osborne should be commended for, he truly deserves the title of ‘Briton of the Year’ for the impact his growth has had on everyday people. George & his colleagues’ commitment to real term cuts to welfare and public sector wages have made sure the average person is losing over 1% a year from their pay packet.

How can we not laud the man leading the charge towards a prosperous future at the expense of our public sector workers, who in 2013 have taken a pay cut of over 2% in real terms? Osborne’s admirable push for an economy succeeding at the expense of the people should be given all the plaudits it deserves. If it weren’t for the pesky private sector, pushing up nominal wages (though not enough for a real term rise), the Chancellor’s mission would be even more successful!

What about all those marvellous food banks popping up in every town and city across the country? Run by people wanting to help the needy, they are quickly becoming a vital, albeit unofficial part of Britain’s social safety net. Whose recovery is it creating the demand for food banks? Whose government is introducing policies to make the poor choose between heating and eating? Which saint is giving these local heroes a chance to showcase their generosity? Mr O of course. His genius is helping communities pull together around charitable organisations who help the poor put food on the table. We need to reward this architect of community cohesion somehow or other, and a title such as ‘Briton of the Year’ is just the way to do it.

2013 was no doubt uplifted by those heart-warming ads for payday loan firm Wonga, who didn’t feel all warm and fuzzy inside watching OAPs make innuendo and sweetly remind us we can borrow money easily? Well, easily if one doesn’t mind an annual interest rate of a few thousand per cent. In fact, in 2013, Wonga reported it now made around a million pounds a day, and much of this is down to Mr Osborne. We’ve already taken a look at the reasons food banks have been sprouting up like spring daffodils, and they’re much the same for payday loan firms. George must be commended for pursuing policies that make the poor need to take out payday loans, because without his iron will to make the poor suffer, their profits would be much smaller, and we’d all be missing out on those lovable OAPs inviting us tomorrow money. My 2013 would not have been complete without them, thank you Mr Osborne!

In the end, how can we deny that Gideon really is our Briton of the Year? The economy is growing, but the poor aren’t benefiting, the goodwill of certain people is been put to good use and we have some of the fuzziest (exploitative) advertising ever seen on our screens. All of which we have good ol’George to thank for! Who cares the accolade was given to him by his mates; he’s had a cracking year, well done, George!